Friday, August 1, 2008

Tales of the runaway Herbwyfe..changes and soul searching

So as many of you know, I have been in Jackson Wyoming for almost a month now.

Came here as an internal nudging, a sense of healing and growth and education in the natural world.

I have my 3 littles and my 2 older sons are here. My ex husband is here.

My current husband is home at the herb center.

I know to look at me right now, things would seem improper, wrong, confusing, unstable, and wacked out really.
And it is quite unusual.

But I feel to stay, for how long I do not know.

And I have been faced with so many feelings. With mom dying, with my marriage, with my children, with myself.

Being able to drive just about anywhere and hike or view the beauty of the Teton region is so healing to the soul.

I was approved for an apartment that works within my budget. That in itself is a miracle.
Not only that, but as I awoke this morning and opened my shades, the view took my breath away. This apartment ahs south exposure and this north window gets a beautiful view of the mountains and a park below us.

As I have been praying and waiting to be sure I am doing the right thing, I kept waiting jsut to be sure staying would be right, when the day to make my decision ont he paratment came, my vehicle engine blew and now I am stuck yeah..I finally got it through my head that it is ok to be here and now I have no choice. And it will be ok:)

My children love it here so much.

I am workign with Dreamseeds here in the Teton Valley, getting to meet people and share my work with others, while learning from other healers here on occassion basis.
My friend Dragon Lady has been such a huge blessing for me here. We love the plant world so much and have different gifts so our conversation stays exciting.

Tonite is a family drum circle we will attend. The children are stoked.

I ahd a message from my mom after her death of asking my forgiveness, which I had already given but it brought comfort to my soul. The message came from another woman who knew nothing about me or my mom, and the woman spoke to my mothers mental illness which floored me. The whole situation brought a healing beyond words.
While my brothers tended to mom's affairs, they had signs in Georgia come to them. It was quite interesting for us all.

I am a bit afraid. The winters here are seriously cold and powerfully strong. I wonder how I will make it without my husband here. Yet, I think that is the very thing God wants me to realize. That my faith needs to be strong, that I am more of a powerful woman than I realize and that I deserve peace and happiness.
And I also have layed friendships on the table. I have been so sad due to the lack of friendships in Arkansas. The few that I had were only alive if I kept them going by doing all the visiting and phone calling. I cannot say how badly this hurt me. So many times I was hurting emotionally or physically and jsut did not have the support I needed.
Breaking away has been so good, to realize how wonderful I really am and deserve good relationship, but to have people here, in the short time I have been here, call and speak to me on their own.
I really needed that! To feel valuable, you know. Women, WE ARE VALUABLE. Let those words set into your heart.

So, that is an update. workign with teton plants, like balsamroot. I did see some wild valerian and have gathered horsetail, wild roses (that are amazing by the way) and red clover that is plumper and juicier than those in Arkansas, and more beautiful useful plants.

Working with pine pitch right now. This is fun!

Dreamseeds is open, things will be added to the site soon. I am excited.


Michelle said...

I love you and hope that this new journey leaves you feeling fulfilled.

Infinite Cosmos said...

I'm so glad things are working out for you. I think about you often. You inspire me so much, you have no idea!

Yarrow said...

So terribly sorry about your mom. Blessings to you and in your new life adventures.